I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Less talking, more tequila
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
