so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
