youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
