I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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