paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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