She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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