i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
