my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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