if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize