Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
