Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
