just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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