Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
i've created a new STD.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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