you guys were way drunker than both of me
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
