So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You made out with two different species that night
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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