he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
