why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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