And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
