It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
