i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
