true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
