I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Too much gin, very little bucket
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
