I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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