She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
