I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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