I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
