We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
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the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
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