I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Randomize
