Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
