I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
vagina is talking i cant
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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