idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
