I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
