It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
