I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
