Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
