You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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