some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
