I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
