4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
