your thong is hanging out like whoa
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
