his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
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Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
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Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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