I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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