my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
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I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
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That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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