I must be too annoying 4 u.
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
you had me at cake vodka
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
