Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize