ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
birth control should be required to get into college
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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