dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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