it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
