wrigley field is MILF paradise
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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