your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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