we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
