I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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