Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
