then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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