how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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