Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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