my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
