piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Four minutes until I can fart!
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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