Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
