I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
