Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just want to make out with him forever
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
