he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
