Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
3pm strippers are depressing
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
