well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Randomize
