Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
