We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
