four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
