Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
