i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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