I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
