In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
