I'd wear matching sweaters with you
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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