Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
