What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
