I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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