Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
