I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Blood and glitter go together right?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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