are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
