I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
